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Truths that Transformed My Decision-Making

Updated: Oct 2, 2024




I used to be an impulsive decision-maker. When I was young, I didn’t have the bittersweet gift of experience to temper my decision-making so I just gave in to how I felt in the moment. Perhaps the tyranny of the urgent guided me more than wisdom or prudence. Partly, I think I functioned this way because good decision-making was not modeled for me. In survival mode, quick decisions keep you from being the next meal for your predators and as a kid growing up in an abusive home, I knew what kept me safe and what didn’t. 


As a young adult, sometimes the “think-fast” approach worked and other times it landed me in complicated situations. The kind of situations that feel like a sticky, tangly mess but somehow I managed to work through it either by sheer effort or luck or backtracking out of it. Regardless, it seemed like I could get on the other side without it being too much skin off my back. 


As the years snowballed into decades, however, I learned to give myself more time when making weighty decisions. The sticky situations seemed to get a little stickier, a little heavier and as our family grew, it seemed like there was a lot more at stake rather than just getting myself unstuck, I had little people to think about. 

I learned to slow down when plotting my next move. But somewhere along the way, it seemed like I lost that edge that made me the passionate person who got things done. It seemed that the “yesses” of my past caught up with me and reminded me how painful the consequences of any decision can be, good or bad, there is always a cost to choices we make. 


For a while,  I flipped- flopped like a fish out of water. One moment I felt the full conviction of moving one direction, only to convince myself to do the opposite the next day (or the next hour!).


“How did I end up so double-minded?” I’d ask myself. I didn’t want to be the wave, tossed and blown by the wind. Yet here I was, afraid to make “the wrong choice”, always afraid of what it would mean for my family.


Maybe you’re like me and agonize at the intersection of big choices.


How many times have you said, “If only God would tell me what to do.” or “I need someone to tell me how to move forward with this.” 


It would be a no-brainer if someone with authority would explicitly tell you so you can get on with your life. But rarely do things happen that way. 


So you look for signs, talk about it with friends, give it to God only to take it back, you stay awake at night…..


“Do I go or do I stay?” 

“Do I say ‘yes’ or say ‘no’?”  

“Do I end this relationship or make it work?”  

“Do I share this with him or figure out another way?”

“Do I send her to that school or this school?”

“Do I take the leap or stay put?”


I’m not talking about moral decisions like whether or not to cheat on your spouse or withhold vital information from a business partner. The right or wrong in these decisions can easily be teased out with the sharp word of the Bible.  The wrong decision in these cases can take us, and often does, down a path of pain and division. The consequences that result are always deeper and longer than we imagine and it takes years to crawl our way through. 


The decisions I’m talking about have no particular moral implication, but can still be life-altering. Rather than seeing these choices as “right or wrong”, it has helped to remind myself that we live in a world of infinite possibilities. Yet, all of those possibilities reside under God’s Sovereignty. That means that your Plan B is still God’s Plan A because He knows what you are going to decide and has already gone ahead to make provisions. 


Maybe I’ve lost you with this kind of thinking but what I’ve learned is that everything belongs. The heartaches, the mistakes, the wins, the losses, the tragedies, the victories…it all somehow aligns with the Universe. 


Making choices is the privilege of free will and much of the time, we make it a burden because we are scared to fall out of His plan and maybe His grace. 


“What if I make the ‘wrong’ decision and it has devastating consequences for my family?”

“ What if I make the ‘safer’ choice and stay stagnant forever?”

 “What if we lose our savings because I take this risk?”

“What if the business ends up failing?”

“What if I have nothing to show for it?”


These are very real concerns with real consequences. But here’s the thing: If God wanted you to do it exactly like He wanted you to, He would tell you, wouldn't He? I don’t think He ever asked us to play the guessing game or to desperately grasp at whatever little clues He decides to throw our way. Life isn’t a game for God, it is a journey and rather than playing the guessing game on where you’ll end up, He’s more interested in HOW you will include Him in the process. The thing I've learned about discerning His will is that everyday is an invitation to witness His will in our lives; through books, the words of friends, though dreams, a morning walk; these little moments are opportunities to sharpen our senses and orient us to His voice.


Believing God will be with you if you choose Plan A but not if you choose Plan B is dangerous thinking. It’s the reason many of us get disillusioned or confused when things don’t go the way we thought they would. You bought the business, and it failed. You moved out of state, only to move back. You poured into the friendship, only to experience betrayal. You pursued your passion, only to struggle financially. 


God wastes none of our circumstances when we are willing to move forward trusting that He will never leave us. He weaves His perfect plan through our choices and we must trust that His plan prevails even when it feels like we’ve lost. Even if we don’t make the “right” choice. 


I may still flip-flop on whether or not to do this or that because I’m human with big emotions. That’s okay–I’ve learned not to make big decisions on those days except maybe to get out of bed and keep putting one foot in front of another and try not to snap at the dang dogs or my children. I CAN say this:  I’ve learned not to worry or agonize over big decisions not because I feel like everything is always going to be okay, but because I know He is going to be with me when it’s not. 


Maybe you’re reading this and find my introspection not so helpful or unrealistic because a hard thing has been imposed on you and you didn’t have a choice in the matter. I’m so sorry. I know what that feels like, too. Life gets whittled down to choosing to take the next breath or finding one little thing to be grateful for or forcing a smile when all you want to do is weep. Those small things, one step at a time, lead to a deeper capacity to receive and give love because when you can retrieve good in the darkness, it will come easily to you in the light. 


I became a Life Coach and Spiritual Director because I have spent so much of my life being afraid of the consequences of choosing "incorrectly." I've mislabeled hard life experiences as "punishment" and have gotten stuck in places due to paralysis. But the biggest thing is that I found it hard to trust sound advice not because I didn't trust God, but because I didn't learn to trust His voice inside of me. Somewhere along the way, a disconnect happened. My job as coach is to teach people to reconnect with themselves and God. I help shed light on their journey so they can learn to make decisions as free as possible from fear.


Although there is no "system" for good decision-making, I invite you to consider these three things I've learned along the way.


Lesson #1: Count the Cost

Some of us get really excited about the prospect of change and we tend to dream about the good things that will come of it. This is wonderful, but it must also be balanced with a sober assessment whether you have what it will require to see it through. This is where a trusted friend or family member can come in to give you an honest assessment of your capabilities and circumstances IF you give them permission to do so. Sometimes our strong desires may not align with our abilities so it may take some prayer, discernment, and good coaching to see if what you plan to do is a good fit for how God created you. It is wise to consider what it will cost you in relationships, finances, and spirituality.  


Lesson #2: God Cares more about HOW than WHAT

It took me running and failing multiple businesses before I learned that what I love about starting businesses is the ideating and the visioneering and bringing the concept into reality. It thrills me to no end but when it comes to administration, management and other details, it is an assault to my soul. Today, I know my boundaries, my strengths and weaknesses and am able to execute in the most effective way. I would have NEVER learned these things without the failures. I’m thankful that God is a God who walks with us through the HOW and doesn’t just wait at the end of the road ready to wag his finger at us. This takes the pressure off of making big decisions because you know no matter the outcome, you will never come out empty-handed. There will always be tools and resources that you gain on the other side. 


Lesson #3: Sometimes Decisions are Simply Meant to Grow Fruit in Us  

We’ve all heard the warning about not praying for patience because then God “blesses”  you with opportunities to be patient. In the same way, if you were to break down your life into episodes, you’d discover themes where God was growing a certain characteristic in you. I have literally asked myself, “What decision would take the most faith?” when I felt that it was a theme for that period in my life. For you, the question may be what choice exercises your courage or your humility or patience.

Eighteen months ago, Dan and I felt like God was calling us to sell our house and move out of state. We were excited and scared and ready to take a leap of faith until we shared the news with our kids and our extended family. You would have thought that we were moving to a remote village in the Middle East. We weren’t prepared for the emotions and decided to wait. It was disappointing at first, but in the process of waiting, we’ve learned to discern His Voice a little clearer. I’ve learned to trust my husband a little deeper and we anticipate that there is yet more learning to do in the waiting. 



Finally, I’ve learned that there is a time for striving and stretching and a time to go with the flow. There is a time to go uphill and fight and a time to coast downhill and feel the wind in your hair. That is the beauty of being fully alive human beings. No matter if you turn left or right, go up or down, the God of the Universe walks so very closely to you in the form of a trusted teacher… so close in fact, that you hear the whispering in your ear: 



“And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it, when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.”

Isaiah 30:20-21

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